SHITCANNED - A pilot pitchboard

Dialog.....

Dialog....

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Dialog.

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Dialog.

Dialog...

Dialog..

Dialog.

Dialog[SFX : SICKLY VENTING ION GAS]

Dialog.........

Dialog........

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Dialog..

Dialog.

Dialog"Say Hi, Gilliam."

Dialog"Hello there, friend!" ..

Dialog"Hello there, friend!" .

Dialog"Hello there, friend!"

Dialog...

Dialog..

Dialog.

Dialog"Do you think he's shy? Yeah I think he's shy." .........

Dialog"Do you think he's shy? Yeah I think he's shy." .........

Dialog"Do you think he's shy? Yeah I think he's shy." ........

Dialog"Do you think he's shy? Yeah I think he's shy." .......

Dialog"Do you think he's shy? Yeah I think he's shy." ......

Dialog"Do you think he's shy? Yeah I think he's shy." .....

Dialog"Do you think he's shy? Yeah I think he's shy." ....

Dialog"Do you think he's shy? Yeah I think he's shy." ...

Dialog"Do you think he's shy? Yeah I think he's shy." ..

Dialog"Do you think he's shy? Yeah I think he's shy." .

Dialog"Do you think he's shy? Yeah I think he's shy."

Dialog"I think he needs some friendin'." ...

Dialog"I think he needs some friendin'." ..

Dialog"I think he needs some friendin'." .

Dialog"I think he needs some friendin'."

Dialog...

Dialog..

Dialog.

Dialog"UH HUH!" ....

Dialog"UH HUH!" ...

Dialog"UH HUH!" .

Dialog"UH HUH!"

Dialog"It's friendship time!"

Dialog...

Dialog..

Dialog.

Dialog"TIME FOR BIG HUGGINGS!" ....

Dialog"TIME FOR BIG HUGGINGS!" ...

Dialog"TIME FOR BIG HUGGINGS!" ..

Dialog"TIME FOR BIG HUGGINGS!" .

Dialog"TIME FOR BIG HUGGINGS!"

Dialog...

Dialog..

Dialog.

Dialog"ITTTTT'S -- ..

Dialog"ITTTTT'S -- .

Dialog"ITTTTT'S --

Dialog"-- THUHHHHH -- "

Dialog"-- HUG TRANE CHOO CHOO CHOO!" .

Dialog"-- HUG TRANE CHOO CHOO CHOO!"

Dialog.

Dialog[beat]

Dialog[beat]

Dialog..

Dialog.

Dialog"CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA --" ....

Dialog"CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA --" ...

Dialog"CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA --" ..

Dialog"CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA --" .

Dialog"CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA --"

Dialog[SFX : SCI-FI DING-DONG!]

Dialog[SFX : AIRLOCK OPENING]

Dialog"Hello friends! -- " .

Dialog"Hello friends! -- "

Dialog" Have you heard the good word about Zorbos?"

DialogBUSINESSMAN (to himself): Oh God no...

Dialog"Yes, God! Zorbos! The Architect of All! The Savior of Souls! The Hunky Harbinger of Halcyon! -- " .....

Dialog"Yes, God! Zorbos! The Architect of All! The Savior of Souls! The Hunky Harbinger of Halcyon! -- " ....

Dialog"Yes, God! Zorbos! The Architect of All! The Savior of Souls! The Hunky Harbinger of Halcyon! -- " ...

Dialog"Yes, God! Zorbos! The Architect of All! The Savior of Souls! The Hunky Harbinger of Halcyon! -- " ..

Dialog"Yes, God! Zorbos! The Architect of All! The Savior of Souls! The Hunky Harbinger of Halcyon! -- " .

Dialog"Yes, God! Zorbos! The Architect of All! The Savior of Souls! The Hunky Harbinger of Halcyon! -- "

Dialog"-- Are you prepared today to hear the good word?" ......

Dialog"-- Are you prepared today to hear the good word?" .....

Dialog"-- Are you prepared today to hear the good word?" ....

Dialog"-- Are you prepared today to hear the good word?" ...

Dialog"-- Are you prepared today to hear the good word?" ..

Dialog"-- Are you prepared today to hear the good word?" .

Dialog"-- Are you prepared today to hear the good word?"

DialogBUSINESSMAN : CGC ain't paying enough for _this!_ ...

DialogBUSINESSMAN : CGC ain't paying enough for _this!_ ..

DialogBUSINESSMAN : CGC ain't paying enough for _this!_ .

DialogBUSINESSMAN : CGC ain't paying enough for _this!_

Dialog....

Dialog...

Dialog..

Dialog.

Dialog"HEY --"

Dialog"-- YOU FORGOT BRIEF--"

Dialog[SFX : POP!] ....

Dialog[SFX : POP!] ...

Dialog[SFX : AIRLOCK CLOSING] ..

Dialog.

Dialog"Hello there! --"

Dialog"-- Do you have a minute or preferably an eternity to talk about Zorbos?" ..

Dialog"-- Do you have a minute or preferably an eternity to talk about Zorbos?" .

Dialog"-- Do you have a minute or preferably an eternity to talk about Zorbos?"

Dialog"YES I HAV MANY MINUTES OR ETERNITIEES!" ..

Dialog"YES I HAV MANY MINUTES OR ETERNITIEES!" .

Dialog"YES I HAV MANY MINUTES OR ETERNITIEES!"

Dialog(choked) "GREAT." .

Dialog(choked) "GREAT."

Dialog(oof)

Dialog"Okay! So Zorbos is like the God of Everything? He created all the planets and stars and space and like all life everywhere? And like he's a really great guy.. -- ........

Dialog"Okay! So Zorbos is like the God of Everything? He created all the planets and stars and space and like all life everywhere? And like he's a really great guy.. -- .......

Dialog"Okay! So Zorbos is like the God of Everything? He created all the planets and stars and space and like all life everywhere? And like he's a really great guy.. -- ......

Dialog"Okay! So Zorbos is like the God of Everything? He created all the planets and stars and space and like all life everywhere? And like he's a really great guy.. -- .....

Dialog"Okay! So Zorbos is like the God of Everything? He created all the planets and stars and space and like all life everywhere? And like he's a really great guy.. -- ....

Dialog"Okay! So Zorbos is like the God of Everything? He created all the planets and stars and space and like all life everywhere? And like he's a really great guy.. -- ...

Dialog"Okay! So Zorbos is like the God of Everything? He created all the planets and stars and space and like all life everywhere? And like he's a really great guy.. -- ..

Dialog"Okay! So Zorbos is like the God of Everything? He created all the planets and stars and space and like all life everywhere? And like he's a really great guy.. -- .

Dialog"Okay! So Zorbos is like the God of Everything? He created all the planets and stars and space and like all life everywhere? And like he's a really great guy.. --

Dialog(mmm hmm mm hmm) ....

Dialog(mmm hmm mm hmm) ...

Dialog(mmm hmm mm hmm) ..

Dialog(mmm hmm mm hmm) .

Dialog(mmm hmm mm hmm)

Dialog"-- And he?s super handsome and he is so giving and so loving and he is waiting to greet us in the afterland of candy and sprinkles where we?ll drink honey milk from his hunky nipples -- " .

Dialog"-- And he?s super handsome and he is so giving and so loving and he is waiting to greet us in the afterland of candy and sprinkles where we?ll drink honey milk from his hunky nipples -- "

Dialog" -- and when the Zorboclypse comes -- "

Dialog"-- the non believers will be judged as unworthy --" ...

Dialog"-- the non believers will be judged as unworthy --" ..

Dialog"-- the non believers will be judged as unworthy --" .

Dialog"-- the non believers will be judged as unworthy --"

Dialog(mmm hmm mm hmm) ...

Dialog(mmm hmm mm hmm) ..

Dialog(mmm hmm mm hmm) .

Dialog(mmm hmm mm hmm)

Dialog"-- and will spend eternity having their flesh eternally consumed by his servants and --" <>

Dialog"-- and will spend eternity having their flesh eternally consumed by his servants and --" <>

Dialog"-- BURNING IN ETERNAL DAMNATION!" <>

Dialog"-- BURNING IN ETERNAL DAMNATION!" <>

Dialog<>

Dialog<>

Dialog"Did you get all that?"

Dialog"Nope!"

Dialog"Well it doesn't really matter! --"

Dialog"-- Just sign this contract binding your soul to Zorbos and you can join us in the afterland!" ...

Dialog"-- Just sign this contract binding your soul to Zorbos and you can join us in the afterland!" ..

Dialog"-- Just sign this contract binding your soul to Zorbos and you can join us in the afterland!" .

Dialog"-- Just sign this contract binding your soul to Zorbos and you can join us in the afterland!"

Dialog"We'll be Forever Friends?" ....

Dialog"We'll be Forever Friends?" ...

Dialog"We'll be Forever Friends?" ..

Dialog"We'll be Forever Friends?" .

Dialog"Yeah sure! --"

Dialog"-- Just sign your real name riiiight --"

Dialog"-- there."

Dialog

Dialog(sign sign sign sign sign) ...

Dialog(sign sign sign sign sign) ..

Dialog(sign sign sign sign sign) .

Dialog(sign sign sign sign sign)

Dialog"DONE!"

Dialog"Haha silly you signed the words 'Real Name.' " .

Dialog"Haha silly you signed the words 'Real Name.' "

Dialog(UH HUH UH HUH) ...

Dialog(UH HUH UH HUH) ..

Dialog(UH HUH UH HUH) .

Dialog(UH HUH UH HUH)

Dialog"I need you to sign your actual real name, --"

Dialog"-- not -- "

Dialog-- "Real Name" ...

Dialog-- "Real Name" ..

Dialog-- "Real Name" .

Dialog-- "Real Name"

Dialog....

Dialog...

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Dialog.

Dialog(sign sign sign sign sign) ...

Dialog(sign sign sign sign sign) ..

Dialog(sign sign sign sign sign) .

Dialog(sign sign sign sign sign)

Dialog"DONE!"

Dialog..

Dialog.

Dialog"You, uh-- "

Dialog"--did it again."

Dialog[beat]

Dialog(mmm hmm mm hmm) ...

Dialog(mmm hmm mm hmm) ..

Dialog(mmm hmm mm hmm) .

Dialog(mmm hmm mm hmm)

Dialog"Real Name."

Dialog"You need to sign your real name."

Dialog"Real name?"

Dialog"YES! -- "

Dialog" -- So what is your name?"

Dialog"REAL NAME!"

Dialog"Hang on juuuuuust --"

Dialog" -- one second."

Dialog"Oh Zorbos, --"

Dialog" -- please give me the strength to get through this."

DialogZorbos : Hiiiiiiiilllllllllllooo ---

DialogZorbos : --rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaa...

DialogZorbos : --rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaa...

Dialog...

Dialog..

Dialog.

DialogHil : Zorbos! --

DialogHil : -- It's a pleasure to see you! --

DialogHil : -- How is the whole Immortality and Unattainable Perfection thing going?

DialogZORBOS : Hilllorrraaaa --

DialogZORBOS : -- you disssappoint mee... <>

DialogZORBOS : -- you disssappoint mee... <>

DialogZORBOS : You are waaaay beloow quota for the moooonth... <>

DialogZORBOS : You are waaaay beloow quota for the moooonth... <>

DialogHil : I'm sorry, sir, I'm trying ...

DialogZORBOS : Hilora I've been feeding you softballs all month and you haven't converted a single one. --

DialogZORBOS : Why can't you be more like Steve in accounting? He's brought fifteen people _this week_. -- <>

DialogZORBOS : Why can't you be more like Steve in accounting? He's brought fifteen people _this week_. -- <>

DialogZORBOS : -- And he hasn't even left his desk. <>

DialogZORBOS : -- And he hasn't even left his desk. <>

DialogHil : But Steve doesn't love you like I do! --

DialogHil : -- He doesn't even collect your action figures!

DialogZORBOS : Hilora, if you can't get your numbers up... I will have to --

DialogZORBOS : -- LET YOU GOOOOO...

DialogZORBOS : -- LET YOU GOOOOO...

Dialog...

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Dialog.

Dialog[beat]

Dialog...

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Dialog.

Dialog"HUG TRAIN CHOO CHOO!" ..

Dialog"HUG TRAIN CHOO CHOO!" .

Dialog"HUG TRAIN CHOO CHOO!"

Dialog[beat]

Dialog[beat]

Dialog[beat]

Dialog(Crying) ..

Dialog(Crying) .

Dialog(Crying)

Dialog"What's wrong?"

DialogHil : I love somebody that doesn't love me back. --

DialogHil : -- And I think it might be time to give up.

Dialog"Awwwww. -- "

Dialog"I know what that's like... -- "

Dialog" -- but don't worry, friend! -- "

Dialog"-- Real Name will love you -- "

Dialog" -- any time you want."

DialogHil : --That's so swee--

DialogHil : Wait... --

DialogHil : -- Your name's actually "Real Name"?

Dialog"Uhhh...."

Dialog....

Dialog...

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Dialog.

Dialog"What does --

Dialog"--this say?"

DialogHilora : If your name is actually Real Name --

DialogHilora : -- that means that the contract you signed --

DialogHilora :-- is valid --

DialogHilora : -- and --

DialogHilora : -- OOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMG I ACTUALLY CONVERTED SOMEONE ZORBOS IS GONNA BE SO HAPPY! .......

DialogHilora : -- OOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMG I ACTUALLY CONVERTED SOMEONE ZORBOS IS GONNA BE SO HAPPY! ......

DialogHilora : -- OOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMG I ACTUALLY CONVERTED SOMEONE ZORBOS IS GONNA BE SO HAPPY! .....

DialogHilora : -- OOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMG I ACTUALLY CONVERTED SOMEONE ZORBOS IS GONNA BE SO HAPPY! ....

DialogHilora : -- OOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMG I ACTUALLY CONVERTED SOMEONE ZORBOS IS GONNA BE SO HAPPY! ...

DialogHilora : -- OOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMG I ACTUALLY CONVERTED SOMEONE ZORBOS IS GONNA BE SO HAPPY! ..

DialogHilora : -- OOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMG I ACTUALLY CONVERTED SOMEONE ZORBOS IS GONNA BE SO HAPPY! .

DialogHilora : -- OOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMG I ACTUALLY CONVERTED SOMEONE ZORBOS IS GONNA BE SO HAPPY!

DialogReal Name : Who's Zorbos?

DialogHil : YOUR NEW ETERNAL FRIEND!

DialogReal Name : ETERNAL --

DialogReal Name : -- FRIENDS![SFX: POP!]

Dialog[SFX : BEEP]

DialogRN : (mmm hmm mm hmm)